History, Slurred

America
was a premature ejaculation.

Saying the Wrong Thing

“For my birthday
we’re going to the aquarium—
I want to see the dolphin show.”

Dolphins commit
suicide, you know.

Meanderthal

We hit a bump
in the road

because I threw
a lead watermelon.

White Man's Burden

black guys are stealing
all our fat chicks

hipsters are stealing
all our cute chicks

lesbians are stealing
all our confused chicks

The Cat's Out of the Bag

If it's
Schrodinger's box

you have to think
outside it.

Plethora

That sounds
dirtynaughty
soundslike

something that'll
give me cooties.

fiancephalitis

My girlfriend
is a new noun.

Soon to be
another new noun.

Hopefully
the new nouns
end there.

(I now pronounce you
only three nouns to be.)

Graffiti Bikini

How many sides
does a rock have?

All of them.

Mnemonic

I can't remember
your name
unless I've
killed your dog.

Cosmic Joke

Stop me if you've
heard this one before:

Within an hour
of telling Jeff
my plan to propose
to her in four weeks

she calls and tells me
she's not in
love with me
not happy has lost her feelings
and she doesn't feel the
same commitment (anymore).

Where's my rimshot?

C'mon,
I can take a joke.

But that rimshot
better be as loud
as fucking thunder.

Soroughly Thoused

The key to life is to never have a door.

I am where
my eye is a knot.

Welchful faces,
welp, that’s me,
full of lament.

Raise an Army of Sisyphi,
and thin out their ranks in the afternoon
with waffle ball bats.

Never come between a man
and his stripper.

Nonny nonny boo-boo,
the underpaid nanny’s in the kitchen making pasteles and
I can make dreams from the lint in my pocket.

A hand in the stomach
married to a mouth in the heart.

Let’s catch no birds with no stones
for a change.

Let’s play with ketchup
and leave all this mustard behind.

Optimiasma

Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow’s tomorrow will be betterer.
Tomorrow’s tomorrow’s tomorrow will be bettererer.
Yesterday was shit.
Today I am just figuring all this out

copyright © 2010 thedoog

Country Song

You'd be
all right
if you didn't
get hung up
on the all wrong.

Nothing Nearly

I didn’t realize it
was Wednesday until it was Thursday.

I didn’t realize it was Spring
until seven dogs barked
all at the same time.

The heat did not click on
because, you’d say, it was
warm enough outside—

because, really, I believe, the
cat left the shades undrawn
and the sun was
waved through the
checkpoint of solitude

and warmed all the more
than just that patch of couch
I lay on when
you are not here.

DD Form 214

I won't be
ordered anymore

to kill
any more brown people

anymore.

(no folding, ironing, forming,
gas-masking, pt-ing,

subjugating;

not by me–
but it will
go on
and on
until we've fucked
all the differences away)

so they say.