History, Slurred

America
was a premature ejaculation.

Saying the Wrong Thing

“For my birthday
we’re going to the aquarium—
I want to see the dolphin show.”

Dolphins commit
suicide, you know.

Meanderthal

We hit a bump
in the road

because I threw
a lead watermelon.

White Man's Burden

black guys are stealing
all our fat chicks

hipsters are stealing
all our cute chicks

lesbians are stealing
all our confused chicks

The Cat's Out of the Bag

If it's
Schrodinger's box

you have to think
outside it.

Plethora

That sounds
dirtynaughty
soundslike

something that'll
give me cooties.

fiancephalitis

My girlfriend
is a new noun.

Soon to be
another new noun.

Hopefully
the new nouns
end there.

(I now pronounce you
only three nouns to be.)

Graffiti Bikini

How many sides
does a rock have?

All of them.

Mnemonic

I can't remember
your name
unless I've
killed your dog.